Driving home tonight I saw the following personalized licence plate: THISLDO. It was on a Hyundai Touring SUV. It made me smile, because I really believe our consumerism has been running amok during the past decade. People have been completely spending beyond their means to buy bigger and more "stuff." We are working longer hours (thank you, Internet and cellphone for making this possible) to make more money to buy even more stuff that we really don't need and often will never use.
So, it was refreshing to see THISLDO and the sentiment it encapsulates: I'm happy with what I have and I don't need more. I don't need to "keep up with the Joneses."
Listen, these days the Joneses are in bankruptcy protection because of years of greed and profligacy. There's no need to keep up with them anymore because they are totally f*cking broke.
Two years ago in November, a security guard was crushed to death by a seething horde of shoppers pressing to enter a Walmart in the U.S. This was on "Black Friday", the big shopping day following American Thanksgiving when companies "in the red" hope to get back "into the black" through a big day of consumer spending.
When the value of a human life becomes less important than saving a few bucks on a flat screen TV we are in big, big trouble.
So, good for you THISLDO. Maybe there's hope for us yet.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
A toilet by any other name would still smell as bad!
I'm reading Bill Bryson's new book "At Home: A Short History of Private Life" and in it there is a section about the small rooms off the bedchamber, including the cabinet and the privy.
"In England the cabinet became the most exclusive and private of all chambers -- the innermost sanctum where the most private meetings could take place... Often this private room had a small cell or alcove off it, generally known as the privy but also called, among other things, jakes, latrine, draughts, place of easement, necessarium, garderobe, house of office, or gong. Whatever it was called, this room contained a bench with a hole in it, strategically positioned over a long drop into a moat or deep shaft." (p. 61)
I feel a real affinity for Bill Bryson and love all his books. They are full of fascinating details like this. And, in fact, during my summer holidays this year, I spent some time pondering all the various synonyms for the word "toilet." (Yes, this is actually how my mind works.) I thought it would make a neat party game, if you were to put a blank sheet of paper (and pen) on the door to the washroom in your house and have your guests fill in all the different words for "washroom" (past and present) that they can think of before "spending a penny." It would truly be a lexicographic laugh-in!
Here's some of mine, to get the ball rolling:
washroom
toilet
head
porcelain throne
water closet
bathroom
powder room
ladies' room/men's room (or "little girls' room" if you are being cutesy)
facilities
john
loo
can
dunny
bog
outhouse (okay, this last one is kind of a cheat, since it would be located outside the house itself. Ditto, porta-potty.)
I can't think of any more right now. And, besides, I have to take a break and use the necessarium.
"In England the cabinet became the most exclusive and private of all chambers -- the innermost sanctum where the most private meetings could take place... Often this private room had a small cell or alcove off it, generally known as the privy but also called, among other things, jakes, latrine, draughts, place of easement, necessarium, garderobe, house of office, or gong. Whatever it was called, this room contained a bench with a hole in it, strategically positioned over a long drop into a moat or deep shaft." (p. 61)
I feel a real affinity for Bill Bryson and love all his books. They are full of fascinating details like this. And, in fact, during my summer holidays this year, I spent some time pondering all the various synonyms for the word "toilet." (Yes, this is actually how my mind works.) I thought it would make a neat party game, if you were to put a blank sheet of paper (and pen) on the door to the washroom in your house and have your guests fill in all the different words for "washroom" (past and present) that they can think of before "spending a penny." It would truly be a lexicographic laugh-in!
Here's some of mine, to get the ball rolling:
washroom
toilet
head
porcelain throne
water closet
bathroom
powder room
ladies' room/men's room (or "little girls' room" if you are being cutesy)
facilities
john
loo
can
dunny
bog
outhouse (okay, this last one is kind of a cheat, since it would be located outside the house itself. Ditto, porta-potty.)
I can't think of any more right now. And, besides, I have to take a break and use the necessarium.
Technological Selection?
The Globe & Mail Focus section on Saturday, September 25th had an article on cellphones and cancer. An epidemiologist, Devra Davis, has even written a book about it called "Disconnect."
I have always been one of the cellphone holdouts, staunchly refusing to jump on the bandwagon, or cellwagon as the case may be. But this has been for more private "I'd-rather-be-unlugged-and-unavailable" reasons. And how f*cking annoying people can be when talking on their cellphones in public spaces. Therefore, each article I read linking cellphone use with health problems just reinforces my dislike for the insidious little devices. (Reading Stephen King's novel "Cell" where cellphone users turn into zombies didn't hurt either.)
According to the Globe article: "Several studies, including an exhaustive review released this year by the World Health Organization's cancer-research agency, find that people who have used cellphones for half an hour a day for more than a decade have about twice the risk of glioma, a rare kind of brain tumour, on the side of their head where they hold the phone. Glioma is usually fatal."
The article explains that "cellphones operate on microwaves, sent and received by antennas on the back of the devices. Some people compare holding these phones to pressing tiny microwave ovens next to our heads." Or groins, for those who clip their phones onto belts.
So, I can't help but wonder if years from now (since brain cancers can take decades to develop) there will be whole segments of the human population weeded out by "technological selection", that is systemic health problems and death due to the use of harmful technology like cellphones. Think how many people use cellphones now on a daily basis. (The article estimates there are a whopping five billion subscriptions worldwide!)
With "technological selection" we will only have ourselves to blame.
I have always been one of the cellphone holdouts, staunchly refusing to jump on the bandwagon, or cellwagon as the case may be. But this has been for more private "I'd-rather-be-unlugged-and-unavailable" reasons. And how f*cking annoying people can be when talking on their cellphones in public spaces. Therefore, each article I read linking cellphone use with health problems just reinforces my dislike for the insidious little devices. (Reading Stephen King's novel "Cell" where cellphone users turn into zombies didn't hurt either.)
According to the Globe article: "Several studies, including an exhaustive review released this year by the World Health Organization's cancer-research agency, find that people who have used cellphones for half an hour a day for more than a decade have about twice the risk of glioma, a rare kind of brain tumour, on the side of their head where they hold the phone. Glioma is usually fatal."
The article explains that "cellphones operate on microwaves, sent and received by antennas on the back of the devices. Some people compare holding these phones to pressing tiny microwave ovens next to our heads." Or groins, for those who clip their phones onto belts.
So, I can't help but wonder if years from now (since brain cancers can take decades to develop) there will be whole segments of the human population weeded out by "technological selection", that is systemic health problems and death due to the use of harmful technology like cellphones. Think how many people use cellphones now on a daily basis. (The article estimates there are a whopping five billion subscriptions worldwide!)
With "technological selection" we will only have ourselves to blame.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
A weird nugget
A few weeks ago a women in the States went ballistic at a McDonald's drive-through because they would not sell her chicken mcnuggets. Apparently chicken mcnuggets are not available during the "breakfast menu." (Does anyone remember Michael Douglas in the movie "Falling Down"?)
So, in a fit of rage, this woman got out of her car, reached into the drive-through window, and started punching the McDonald's staff members. Not content with this, she also smashed the window, before speeding off, mcnuggetless. She later explained her behaviour by saying that she was drunk. Hmmmmm. I'm thinking this is perhaps not the best defence for an incident involving a drive-through. Or a drive anything.
I think it's pretty clear there's more impairment involved in this case than just the alcohol-induced kind. Because, really, chicken mcnuggets aren't all that tasty. It might be worth going postal for the french fries. Sure, that would be totally understandable. But not the mcnuggets. Sheesh!
So, in a fit of rage, this woman got out of her car, reached into the drive-through window, and started punching the McDonald's staff members. Not content with this, she also smashed the window, before speeding off, mcnuggetless. She later explained her behaviour by saying that she was drunk. Hmmmmm. I'm thinking this is perhaps not the best defence for an incident involving a drive-through. Or a drive anything.
I think it's pretty clear there's more impairment involved in this case than just the alcohol-induced kind. Because, really, chicken mcnuggets aren't all that tasty. It might be worth going postal for the french fries. Sure, that would be totally understandable. But not the mcnuggets. Sheesh!
The Running of the Fools - a poetic tribute
Apparently, the month of August is "Running of the Bulls" month as well as bad poetry month. So, I have composed a poem about this barbaric tradition. I call it "The Running of the Fools." Hope you enjoy.
There's a spectacle in Spain
That gives me great pain
The annual Running of the Fools.
These "Einsteins" want to play
The adventurous Hemingway way
By wildly running with the bulls.
But one is inevitably crushed under
And I am left to wonder
THIS is evolution?!
But then a few days after
There is merely laughter
Another confirmed retard
For the Darwin award
Sometimes the sight of blood is good.
Now there is one less fool
Contaminating the human gene pool
Run, bulls, run!
There's a spectacle in Spain
That gives me great pain
The annual Running of the Fools.
These "Einsteins" want to play
The adventurous Hemingway way
By wildly running with the bulls.
But one is inevitably crushed under
And I am left to wonder
THIS is evolution?!
But then a few days after
There is merely laughter
Another confirmed retard
For the Darwin award
Sometimes the sight of blood is good.
Now there is one less fool
Contaminating the human gene pool
Run, bulls, run!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
A Comics Coming Out
I just read that in an upcoming September issue, venerable Archie Comics plans to introduce the first openly gay character. He will be called Kevin Keller. So, as a long-standing reader of Archie Comics (I still occasionally treat myself at the end of a tedious grocery shop to an issue of Betty and Veronica Double Digest), I pondered how this new character might influence the dynamics of Riverdale. Here's what I think:
Kevin will develop a crush on Archie, giving Betty and Veronica yet another person to fight for Archie's affections. Archie, of course, will be naively oblivious to the attention and will still happily pursue all the hot babes on the beach.
Reggie, with a more finely tuned gaydar, will be simultaneously offended and jealous, because shouldn't everyone be enamoured of his inherent fabulousness, even if he wouldn't touch them with a ten-foot pole?
Moose, the traditionalist and real man's man, will avoid Kevin like the plague. And take comfort that he doesn't have to worry about Midge with this one.
Dilton will want to dig into the whole nature/nurture debate. Are we born gay? Is it part of our genetic code?
African American Chuck will wonder what all the fuss is about. Hasn't he been living as a successful minority in Riverdale for years?
And Jughead, in a brilliant awakening, will discover this is why he has never had an interest in girls. He and Kevin will eventually become a couple (once Kevin realizes that his love for Archie will remain unrequited), causing Big Ethel to have a mental breakdown.
Kevin will develop a crush on Archie, giving Betty and Veronica yet another person to fight for Archie's affections. Archie, of course, will be naively oblivious to the attention and will still happily pursue all the hot babes on the beach.
Reggie, with a more finely tuned gaydar, will be simultaneously offended and jealous, because shouldn't everyone be enamoured of his inherent fabulousness, even if he wouldn't touch them with a ten-foot pole?
Moose, the traditionalist and real man's man, will avoid Kevin like the plague. And take comfort that he doesn't have to worry about Midge with this one.
Dilton will want to dig into the whole nature/nurture debate. Are we born gay? Is it part of our genetic code?
African American Chuck will wonder what all the fuss is about. Hasn't he been living as a successful minority in Riverdale for years?
And Jughead, in a brilliant awakening, will discover this is why he has never had an interest in girls. He and Kevin will eventually become a couple (once Kevin realizes that his love for Archie will remain unrequited), causing Big Ethel to have a mental breakdown.
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