"I always say it was great for God to send his only son, but I'm waiting for him to send his only daughter. Then things will be really great."
-- Candace Pert
Whatever happens with the federal election on May 2nd, please God send more women to the House of Commons and whichever Party "wins", please let us have more women represented in Cabinet.
Amen.
Personally, I will be voting Green this year. I am so tired of the same old goons, loons, and buffoons that have populated Parliament during the last decade. It is completely dysfunctional. If, after all is said and done, we end up right back where we started then we are insane and deserve the government we get.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
So sue me! Oh, she did.
Yahoo News alert from April 14th:
US woman sues Internet dating site, saying man she met sexually assaulted her
The woman is apparently an "entertainment executive" identified only as Jane Doe. After her second date with the man, he allegedly followed her home and attacked her.
Now as much as I feel bad for what happened to this woman, to me this is a case of "buyer beware." (Make that "dater beware.") I can see laying charges against her attacker, but suing the Internet dating site is kind of like suing Superstore because you burned yourself while cooking the bacon you bought there. Or suing the car dealership because you got a speeding ticket in the vehicle you purchased there.
And, really, if anyone should be "heads up" about potential stalkers it's an "entertainment executive." (Is this code for something?)
US woman sues Internet dating site, saying man she met sexually assaulted her
The woman is apparently an "entertainment executive" identified only as Jane Doe. After her second date with the man, he allegedly followed her home and attacked her.
Now as much as I feel bad for what happened to this woman, to me this is a case of "buyer beware." (Make that "dater beware.") I can see laying charges against her attacker, but suing the Internet dating site is kind of like suing Superstore because you burned yourself while cooking the bacon you bought there. Or suing the car dealership because you got a speeding ticket in the vehicle you purchased there.
And, really, if anyone should be "heads up" about potential stalkers it's an "entertainment executive." (Is this code for something?)
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Misanthropic Message of the Day
"I find low self-esteem incomprehensible. Why hate yourself, when you can hate others?"
- Amy Ashton
By the way, there is a Misanthropic Society but they don't have any meetings because they can't stand each other.
- Amy Ashton
By the way, there is a Misanthropic Society but they don't have any meetings because they can't stand each other.
Censorship and Revisionist History
I heard on the news yesterday that a special revised edition of Mark Twain's classics "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" and "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" will be published in which occurrences of the word "nigger" will be replaced by the more politically correct word "slave."
Yes, "nigger" is a terrible, hateful word that harkens back to a dark period of American history. But I cannot condone changing the text of these classic works of fiction in an attempt to hide, sanitize, or avoid this history. The fact is it existed, and we are better or worse (better, I hope) for having lived through it. Hiding evil in dark places only serves to nurture it. Better to examine it under the full light of truth.
Mark Twain did not include the word "nigger" in his books because he was racist. He included it because use of this word was a reality of the time and place. According to the news story, Twain was married to an abolitionist and firmly supported it's principles.
I am a rabid opponent of any kind of censorship in any media. To me, revising Mark Twain's books is a form of censorship. My mother taught me a very important quote which I follow to this day:
"I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
I hope schools will continue to read, study and discuss the original versions of his books.
Yes, "nigger" is a terrible, hateful word that harkens back to a dark period of American history. But I cannot condone changing the text of these classic works of fiction in an attempt to hide, sanitize, or avoid this history. The fact is it existed, and we are better or worse (better, I hope) for having lived through it. Hiding evil in dark places only serves to nurture it. Better to examine it under the full light of truth.
Mark Twain did not include the word "nigger" in his books because he was racist. He included it because use of this word was a reality of the time and place. According to the news story, Twain was married to an abolitionist and firmly supported it's principles.
I am a rabid opponent of any kind of censorship in any media. To me, revising Mark Twain's books is a form of censorship. My mother taught me a very important quote which I follow to this day:
"I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
I hope schools will continue to read, study and discuss the original versions of his books.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Scrooge Really Wasn't Such a Bad Guy
Okay, so I am one of those people (and maybe the only one) who have always felt that Ebenezer Scrooge, from Dicken's classic "A Christmas Carol", got a bad rap. Sure he was miserly with his money, but where would ineffectual Bob Crachit and his needy family be at the end of the story if Scrooge had not stockpiled his hard-earned savings instead of spending them like a wanton profligate?
And, with his low-paying clerical job, where does Bob Crachit get off having six kids without first having the means to support them? Isn't this just a tad irresponsible? Maybe he and Mrs. Crachit should have practiced a little birth control before poor little Tiny Tim came along. At least Scrooge was self-sufficient, which is more than can be said for Bob Crachit.
The problem with Scrooge isn't that he made a lot of money or even the manner in which he amassed his fortune (primarily through money lending.) Scrooge's big sin is that he hoarded his money and didn't spread it around. Money must be shared and spent to keep the economy and society happy. I'm sure Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, and Mark Zuckerberg would agree.
And, with his low-paying clerical job, where does Bob Crachit get off having six kids without first having the means to support them? Isn't this just a tad irresponsible? Maybe he and Mrs. Crachit should have practiced a little birth control before poor little Tiny Tim came along. At least Scrooge was self-sufficient, which is more than can be said for Bob Crachit.
The problem with Scrooge isn't that he made a lot of money or even the manner in which he amassed his fortune (primarily through money lending.) Scrooge's big sin is that he hoarded his money and didn't spread it around. Money must be shared and spent to keep the economy and society happy. I'm sure Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, and Mark Zuckerberg would agree.
Fuck You, Bob Saget!
So, a few nights ago a forty-something friend and I went to see Bob Saget. I mention our age only because I think it might have been relevant to our level of enjoyment of his show. (That and our relative level of intelligence.)
When my friend phoned to invite me, my first thought was Bob Saget? You mean the guy from "Full House" and "America's Funniest Home Videos"? That Bob Saget? He does stand up comedy? I was to learn that yes, indeed, Bob Saget does stand up comedy and he is in fact quite raunchy and filthy while doing it.
That's not why I didn't really enjoy the show. I like raunch and filth as much as the next person. I enjoy no-holds-barred, irreverant, politically-incorrect comedy. Bring it on! But it still has to be clever comedy. Sadly, this was not.
I should have had an inkling from the audience demographic. It was overwhelming young and male. There was a lot of beer and testosterone in the room.
For those uninitiated in the ritual that is Bob Saget comedy, basically it involves a lot of audience interaction, most of it quite unpleasant. I would categorize it as "humour by humiliation." And it seems to be an accepted two-way street judging by the guy sitting behind me who, in the middle of the show, yelled out at the top of his voice: "Fuck You, Bob Saget!", followed by much laughter and cheering from the audience. Bob apparently doesn't mind and will tell you to "shut the fuck up", too when he's not telling rambling stories about his Dad.
I think I laughed once -- maybe twice -- during the whole show when a girl in the audience said her name was "Hailey, like the comet." Bob's witty comeback: "Does that mean you only come every 22 years."
Okay, that was clever. But not worth the price of the ticket. Thank God we didn't pay other than in the wasted time we will never get back.
When my friend phoned to invite me, my first thought was Bob Saget? You mean the guy from "Full House" and "America's Funniest Home Videos"? That Bob Saget? He does stand up comedy? I was to learn that yes, indeed, Bob Saget does stand up comedy and he is in fact quite raunchy and filthy while doing it.
That's not why I didn't really enjoy the show. I like raunch and filth as much as the next person. I enjoy no-holds-barred, irreverant, politically-incorrect comedy. Bring it on! But it still has to be clever comedy. Sadly, this was not.
I should have had an inkling from the audience demographic. It was overwhelming young and male. There was a lot of beer and testosterone in the room.
For those uninitiated in the ritual that is Bob Saget comedy, basically it involves a lot of audience interaction, most of it quite unpleasant. I would categorize it as "humour by humiliation." And it seems to be an accepted two-way street judging by the guy sitting behind me who, in the middle of the show, yelled out at the top of his voice: "Fuck You, Bob Saget!", followed by much laughter and cheering from the audience. Bob apparently doesn't mind and will tell you to "shut the fuck up", too when he's not telling rambling stories about his Dad.
I think I laughed once -- maybe twice -- during the whole show when a girl in the audience said her name was "Hailey, like the comet." Bob's witty comeback: "Does that mean you only come every 22 years."
Okay, that was clever. But not worth the price of the ticket. Thank God we didn't pay other than in the wasted time we will never get back.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
THISLDO
Driving home tonight I saw the following personalized licence plate: THISLDO. It was on a Hyundai Touring SUV. It made me smile, because I really believe our consumerism has been running amok during the past decade. People have been completely spending beyond their means to buy bigger and more "stuff." We are working longer hours (thank you, Internet and cellphone for making this possible) to make more money to buy even more stuff that we really don't need and often will never use.
So, it was refreshing to see THISLDO and the sentiment it encapsulates: I'm happy with what I have and I don't need more. I don't need to "keep up with the Joneses."
Listen, these days the Joneses are in bankruptcy protection because of years of greed and profligacy. There's no need to keep up with them anymore because they are totally f*cking broke.
Two years ago in November, a security guard was crushed to death by a seething horde of shoppers pressing to enter a Walmart in the U.S. This was on "Black Friday", the big shopping day following American Thanksgiving when companies "in the red" hope to get back "into the black" through a big day of consumer spending.
When the value of a human life becomes less important than saving a few bucks on a flat screen TV we are in big, big trouble.
So, good for you THISLDO. Maybe there's hope for us yet.
So, it was refreshing to see THISLDO and the sentiment it encapsulates: I'm happy with what I have and I don't need more. I don't need to "keep up with the Joneses."
Listen, these days the Joneses are in bankruptcy protection because of years of greed and profligacy. There's no need to keep up with them anymore because they are totally f*cking broke.
Two years ago in November, a security guard was crushed to death by a seething horde of shoppers pressing to enter a Walmart in the U.S. This was on "Black Friday", the big shopping day following American Thanksgiving when companies "in the red" hope to get back "into the black" through a big day of consumer spending.
When the value of a human life becomes less important than saving a few bucks on a flat screen TV we are in big, big trouble.
So, good for you THISLDO. Maybe there's hope for us yet.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
A toilet by any other name would still smell as bad!
I'm reading Bill Bryson's new book "At Home: A Short History of Private Life" and in it there is a section about the small rooms off the bedchamber, including the cabinet and the privy.
"In England the cabinet became the most exclusive and private of all chambers -- the innermost sanctum where the most private meetings could take place... Often this private room had a small cell or alcove off it, generally known as the privy but also called, among other things, jakes, latrine, draughts, place of easement, necessarium, garderobe, house of office, or gong. Whatever it was called, this room contained a bench with a hole in it, strategically positioned over a long drop into a moat or deep shaft." (p. 61)
I feel a real affinity for Bill Bryson and love all his books. They are full of fascinating details like this. And, in fact, during my summer holidays this year, I spent some time pondering all the various synonyms for the word "toilet." (Yes, this is actually how my mind works.) I thought it would make a neat party game, if you were to put a blank sheet of paper (and pen) on the door to the washroom in your house and have your guests fill in all the different words for "washroom" (past and present) that they can think of before "spending a penny." It would truly be a lexicographic laugh-in!
Here's some of mine, to get the ball rolling:
washroom
toilet
head
porcelain throne
water closet
bathroom
powder room
ladies' room/men's room (or "little girls' room" if you are being cutesy)
facilities
john
loo
can
dunny
bog
outhouse (okay, this last one is kind of a cheat, since it would be located outside the house itself. Ditto, porta-potty.)
I can't think of any more right now. And, besides, I have to take a break and use the necessarium.
"In England the cabinet became the most exclusive and private of all chambers -- the innermost sanctum where the most private meetings could take place... Often this private room had a small cell or alcove off it, generally known as the privy but also called, among other things, jakes, latrine, draughts, place of easement, necessarium, garderobe, house of office, or gong. Whatever it was called, this room contained a bench with a hole in it, strategically positioned over a long drop into a moat or deep shaft." (p. 61)
I feel a real affinity for Bill Bryson and love all his books. They are full of fascinating details like this. And, in fact, during my summer holidays this year, I spent some time pondering all the various synonyms for the word "toilet." (Yes, this is actually how my mind works.) I thought it would make a neat party game, if you were to put a blank sheet of paper (and pen) on the door to the washroom in your house and have your guests fill in all the different words for "washroom" (past and present) that they can think of before "spending a penny." It would truly be a lexicographic laugh-in!
Here's some of mine, to get the ball rolling:
washroom
toilet
head
porcelain throne
water closet
bathroom
powder room
ladies' room/men's room (or "little girls' room" if you are being cutesy)
facilities
john
loo
can
dunny
bog
outhouse (okay, this last one is kind of a cheat, since it would be located outside the house itself. Ditto, porta-potty.)
I can't think of any more right now. And, besides, I have to take a break and use the necessarium.
Technological Selection?
The Globe & Mail Focus section on Saturday, September 25th had an article on cellphones and cancer. An epidemiologist, Devra Davis, has even written a book about it called "Disconnect."
I have always been one of the cellphone holdouts, staunchly refusing to jump on the bandwagon, or cellwagon as the case may be. But this has been for more private "I'd-rather-be-unlugged-and-unavailable" reasons. And how f*cking annoying people can be when talking on their cellphones in public spaces. Therefore, each article I read linking cellphone use with health problems just reinforces my dislike for the insidious little devices. (Reading Stephen King's novel "Cell" where cellphone users turn into zombies didn't hurt either.)
According to the Globe article: "Several studies, including an exhaustive review released this year by the World Health Organization's cancer-research agency, find that people who have used cellphones for half an hour a day for more than a decade have about twice the risk of glioma, a rare kind of brain tumour, on the side of their head where they hold the phone. Glioma is usually fatal."
The article explains that "cellphones operate on microwaves, sent and received by antennas on the back of the devices. Some people compare holding these phones to pressing tiny microwave ovens next to our heads." Or groins, for those who clip their phones onto belts.
So, I can't help but wonder if years from now (since brain cancers can take decades to develop) there will be whole segments of the human population weeded out by "technological selection", that is systemic health problems and death due to the use of harmful technology like cellphones. Think how many people use cellphones now on a daily basis. (The article estimates there are a whopping five billion subscriptions worldwide!)
With "technological selection" we will only have ourselves to blame.
I have always been one of the cellphone holdouts, staunchly refusing to jump on the bandwagon, or cellwagon as the case may be. But this has been for more private "I'd-rather-be-unlugged-and-unavailable" reasons. And how f*cking annoying people can be when talking on their cellphones in public spaces. Therefore, each article I read linking cellphone use with health problems just reinforces my dislike for the insidious little devices. (Reading Stephen King's novel "Cell" where cellphone users turn into zombies didn't hurt either.)
According to the Globe article: "Several studies, including an exhaustive review released this year by the World Health Organization's cancer-research agency, find that people who have used cellphones for half an hour a day for more than a decade have about twice the risk of glioma, a rare kind of brain tumour, on the side of their head where they hold the phone. Glioma is usually fatal."
The article explains that "cellphones operate on microwaves, sent and received by antennas on the back of the devices. Some people compare holding these phones to pressing tiny microwave ovens next to our heads." Or groins, for those who clip their phones onto belts.
So, I can't help but wonder if years from now (since brain cancers can take decades to develop) there will be whole segments of the human population weeded out by "technological selection", that is systemic health problems and death due to the use of harmful technology like cellphones. Think how many people use cellphones now on a daily basis. (The article estimates there are a whopping five billion subscriptions worldwide!)
With "technological selection" we will only have ourselves to blame.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
A weird nugget
A few weeks ago a women in the States went ballistic at a McDonald's drive-through because they would not sell her chicken mcnuggets. Apparently chicken mcnuggets are not available during the "breakfast menu." (Does anyone remember Michael Douglas in the movie "Falling Down"?)
So, in a fit of rage, this woman got out of her car, reached into the drive-through window, and started punching the McDonald's staff members. Not content with this, she also smashed the window, before speeding off, mcnuggetless. She later explained her behaviour by saying that she was drunk. Hmmmmm. I'm thinking this is perhaps not the best defence for an incident involving a drive-through. Or a drive anything.
I think it's pretty clear there's more impairment involved in this case than just the alcohol-induced kind. Because, really, chicken mcnuggets aren't all that tasty. It might be worth going postal for the french fries. Sure, that would be totally understandable. But not the mcnuggets. Sheesh!
So, in a fit of rage, this woman got out of her car, reached into the drive-through window, and started punching the McDonald's staff members. Not content with this, she also smashed the window, before speeding off, mcnuggetless. She later explained her behaviour by saying that she was drunk. Hmmmmm. I'm thinking this is perhaps not the best defence for an incident involving a drive-through. Or a drive anything.
I think it's pretty clear there's more impairment involved in this case than just the alcohol-induced kind. Because, really, chicken mcnuggets aren't all that tasty. It might be worth going postal for the french fries. Sure, that would be totally understandable. But not the mcnuggets. Sheesh!
The Running of the Fools - a poetic tribute
Apparently, the month of August is "Running of the Bulls" month as well as bad poetry month. So, I have composed a poem about this barbaric tradition. I call it "The Running of the Fools." Hope you enjoy.
There's a spectacle in Spain
That gives me great pain
The annual Running of the Fools.
These "Einsteins" want to play
The adventurous Hemingway way
By wildly running with the bulls.
But one is inevitably crushed under
And I am left to wonder
THIS is evolution?!
But then a few days after
There is merely laughter
Another confirmed retard
For the Darwin award
Sometimes the sight of blood is good.
Now there is one less fool
Contaminating the human gene pool
Run, bulls, run!
There's a spectacle in Spain
That gives me great pain
The annual Running of the Fools.
These "Einsteins" want to play
The adventurous Hemingway way
By wildly running with the bulls.
But one is inevitably crushed under
And I am left to wonder
THIS is evolution?!
But then a few days after
There is merely laughter
Another confirmed retard
For the Darwin award
Sometimes the sight of blood is good.
Now there is one less fool
Contaminating the human gene pool
Run, bulls, run!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
A Comics Coming Out
I just read that in an upcoming September issue, venerable Archie Comics plans to introduce the first openly gay character. He will be called Kevin Keller. So, as a long-standing reader of Archie Comics (I still occasionally treat myself at the end of a tedious grocery shop to an issue of Betty and Veronica Double Digest), I pondered how this new character might influence the dynamics of Riverdale. Here's what I think:
Kevin will develop a crush on Archie, giving Betty and Veronica yet another person to fight for Archie's affections. Archie, of course, will be naively oblivious to the attention and will still happily pursue all the hot babes on the beach.
Reggie, with a more finely tuned gaydar, will be simultaneously offended and jealous, because shouldn't everyone be enamoured of his inherent fabulousness, even if he wouldn't touch them with a ten-foot pole?
Moose, the traditionalist and real man's man, will avoid Kevin like the plague. And take comfort that he doesn't have to worry about Midge with this one.
Dilton will want to dig into the whole nature/nurture debate. Are we born gay? Is it part of our genetic code?
African American Chuck will wonder what all the fuss is about. Hasn't he been living as a successful minority in Riverdale for years?
And Jughead, in a brilliant awakening, will discover this is why he has never had an interest in girls. He and Kevin will eventually become a couple (once Kevin realizes that his love for Archie will remain unrequited), causing Big Ethel to have a mental breakdown.
Kevin will develop a crush on Archie, giving Betty and Veronica yet another person to fight for Archie's affections. Archie, of course, will be naively oblivious to the attention and will still happily pursue all the hot babes on the beach.
Reggie, with a more finely tuned gaydar, will be simultaneously offended and jealous, because shouldn't everyone be enamoured of his inherent fabulousness, even if he wouldn't touch them with a ten-foot pole?
Moose, the traditionalist and real man's man, will avoid Kevin like the plague. And take comfort that he doesn't have to worry about Midge with this one.
Dilton will want to dig into the whole nature/nurture debate. Are we born gay? Is it part of our genetic code?
African American Chuck will wonder what all the fuss is about. Hasn't he been living as a successful minority in Riverdale for years?
And Jughead, in a brilliant awakening, will discover this is why he has never had an interest in girls. He and Kevin will eventually become a couple (once Kevin realizes that his love for Archie will remain unrequited), causing Big Ethel to have a mental breakdown.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
What a Caulk Up!
Sigh...the home improvement shows make it look so easy.
A small task today (while I'm on holidays) was to caulk around a small shed window. The other day I bought some caulk and a caulking gun in preparation. I should have known by the sheer range of choices available in the caulk aisle that a difficult adventure lay ahead of me.
It seemed an eternity to decide on the caulk. Did I want Silicon Rubber (I) or just Silicon (II)? What colour/tint? For Windows and Doors or Bathrooms and Kitchens? I almost left the store without the caulking gun until I overheard another woman talking about it and realized it would probably come in handy as a delivery device.
Tip #1 about caulking: Adequately prepare your area! My first "kick at the caulk" I forgot to tape the areas I didn't want sticky, gooey, difficult-to-clean caulk to go. (See also Tip #3.)
Tip #2: Before loading the caulk in the gun, cut the top off AND pierce the inner nozzle. I forgot to pierce and as a result had sticky, gooey, difficult-to-clean caulk coming out of the bottom of the caulking gun. Trust me, this is about as much fun as unanticipated anal sex.
Tip #3: Always have A LOT of paper towel handy as there will be a lot of sticky, gooey, difficult-to-clean caulk EVERYWHERE! (The cats are still cleaning themselves!)
Tip #4: Try to live near a Home Depot, so you can keep going back for more supplies when you f*ck up.
Tip #5: Throw away all the evidence before your boyfriend gets home so he doesn't see how many times you actually did f*ck up before finally getting it right!
A small task today (while I'm on holidays) was to caulk around a small shed window. The other day I bought some caulk and a caulking gun in preparation. I should have known by the sheer range of choices available in the caulk aisle that a difficult adventure lay ahead of me.
It seemed an eternity to decide on the caulk. Did I want Silicon Rubber (I) or just Silicon (II)? What colour/tint? For Windows and Doors or Bathrooms and Kitchens? I almost left the store without the caulking gun until I overheard another woman talking about it and realized it would probably come in handy as a delivery device.
Tip #1 about caulking: Adequately prepare your area! My first "kick at the caulk" I forgot to tape the areas I didn't want sticky, gooey, difficult-to-clean caulk to go. (See also Tip #3.)
Tip #2: Before loading the caulk in the gun, cut the top off AND pierce the inner nozzle. I forgot to pierce and as a result had sticky, gooey, difficult-to-clean caulk coming out of the bottom of the caulking gun. Trust me, this is about as much fun as unanticipated anal sex.
Tip #3: Always have A LOT of paper towel handy as there will be a lot of sticky, gooey, difficult-to-clean caulk EVERYWHERE! (The cats are still cleaning themselves!)
Tip #4: Try to live near a Home Depot, so you can keep going back for more supplies when you f*ck up.
Tip #5: Throw away all the evidence before your boyfriend gets home so he doesn't see how many times you actually did f*ck up before finally getting it right!
Postal Playground
Something observed in my neighbourhood: the kids simply love climbing on the super mailbox. This in spite of the fact that there is some perfectly good playground equipment located 100 yards from said mailbox.
While going for the post today, I decided to canvas the two wee children who were perched on top of the mailbox. I asked them why they weren't playing on the playground equipment instead of blatantly risking the mailman's wrath. The response was "it's boring."
Now I would be the first to agree that playgrounds aren't what they used to be. Remember how high we could get on the old-style swings, the ones with flat wooden seats that you could stand up on? Or how fast we could go on the merry-go-round, trying to jump on and off while it was whizzing around? And how about those great teeter-totters that let us give endless butt-numbing bumps to our best friends? Ah, those were the glory days.
Ever since "child safety" became such an unhealthy obsession, the spontaneous fun has been sucked out of a lot of things, including playgrounds. I kind of feel sorry for the bubble-wrapped, imagination-challenged, adventure-starved little 'uns, reduced to humping a Canada Post box for kicks. It's not right.
We need to put the thrills (and, yes, danger) back in the playgrounds -- before it's too late!
While going for the post today, I decided to canvas the two wee children who were perched on top of the mailbox. I asked them why they weren't playing on the playground equipment instead of blatantly risking the mailman's wrath. The response was "it's boring."
Now I would be the first to agree that playgrounds aren't what they used to be. Remember how high we could get on the old-style swings, the ones with flat wooden seats that you could stand up on? Or how fast we could go on the merry-go-round, trying to jump on and off while it was whizzing around? And how about those great teeter-totters that let us give endless butt-numbing bumps to our best friends? Ah, those were the glory days.
Ever since "child safety" became such an unhealthy obsession, the spontaneous fun has been sucked out of a lot of things, including playgrounds. I kind of feel sorry for the bubble-wrapped, imagination-challenged, adventure-starved little 'uns, reduced to humping a Canada Post box for kicks. It's not right.
We need to put the thrills (and, yes, danger) back in the playgrounds -- before it's too late!
Chip, Chip, Hooray?
I recently received a new chip-embedded debit card from my bank. Thank God, I didn't have to change my PIN or online password or I would be screwed. I have already forgotten the PIN on my chip Visa, not once but three times! (Hey, they say you're not supposed to write it down, so...)
I believe a perfect storm is coming with these "secure" chip cards. We have a rapidly aging population (the so-called "Silver Tsumani" is on the horizon) and dimensia rates are expected to climb dramatically, if not exponentially. Frankly, that's a lot of PIN codes to forget.
In 25 years will we be wandering around shopping malls wondering how we got there, what we were going to buy, and what our goddam PIN numbers are?! We can thank the banks, who always have our best interests at heart. Not to mention our inaccessible money.
I believe a perfect storm is coming with these "secure" chip cards. We have a rapidly aging population (the so-called "Silver Tsumani" is on the horizon) and dimensia rates are expected to climb dramatically, if not exponentially. Frankly, that's a lot of PIN codes to forget.
In 25 years will we be wandering around shopping malls wondering how we got there, what we were going to buy, and what our goddam PIN numbers are?! We can thank the banks, who always have our best interests at heart. Not to mention our inaccessible money.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Time to Wake Up and Smell the Goat!
I had occasion today to call up a kid and tell him he had won a book prize in a reading contest. His response rather than "Cool!" or "Wow! Really!?" was simply "okay." He was distinctly underwhelmed. I felt like saying to him "Listen kid, this might be the best f*cking thing that will ever happen to you in your life! You could sound a tad more enthusiastic. Books don't grow in trees, you know!" (Well, okay, maybe not that last bit, since books grow from trees, if not in them.)
My point is: kids seem to have such high expectations these days and don't think there will be a goat on their horizon. Let me explain.
Remember that game show from the 70s, "Let's Make a Deal", where lucky contestants (if so chosen by the affable, yet God-like Monty Hall) could get the chance to choose a prize behind door number 1, 2, or 3? There was a lot of hand-wringing tension in this decision, because those in the know were savvy to the fact that while there was likely a very nice prize behind two thirds of the doors, inevitably opening the other one would reveal a goat.
Decisions had consequences and a bad decision could result in a pungent, gamey goat.
In kids' contests and competitive games these days, it seems everyone gets to win and nobody gets stuck with the goat. They don't expect the goat, so they aren't wary of encountering it in the choices they make.
Kids, I'm here to tell you: the goat is still here and sooner or later it's going to bite you in the ass (and chew your pants off while it's at it.) So, wake up and smell the goat.
And when you win a free book, act excited for Christ's sake!
My point is: kids seem to have such high expectations these days and don't think there will be a goat on their horizon. Let me explain.
Remember that game show from the 70s, "Let's Make a Deal", where lucky contestants (if so chosen by the affable, yet God-like Monty Hall) could get the chance to choose a prize behind door number 1, 2, or 3? There was a lot of hand-wringing tension in this decision, because those in the know were savvy to the fact that while there was likely a very nice prize behind two thirds of the doors, inevitably opening the other one would reveal a goat.
Decisions had consequences and a bad decision could result in a pungent, gamey goat.
In kids' contests and competitive games these days, it seems everyone gets to win and nobody gets stuck with the goat. They don't expect the goat, so they aren't wary of encountering it in the choices they make.
Kids, I'm here to tell you: the goat is still here and sooner or later it's going to bite you in the ass (and chew your pants off while it's at it.) So, wake up and smell the goat.
And when you win a free book, act excited for Christ's sake!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Which is more annoying: the medium or the message?
I went to see a movie today and during the interminable "pre-show" there was a reminder to turn off cell phones and smartphones, and not to be an annoying "Tommy Texter." It then proceeded to show several ads/contests asking people to send a text! WTF!
Remember the good old days when you went to see a movie and the only "pre-show" was a few short trailers of coming attractions? Those halcyon days are gone, my friends, and we are now full captives to the corporate advertisers. No wonder people stay home and watch TV or rent DVDs. At least you can mute or skip over the commercials. In the theatre you can only sit tight and wonder if the actual movie you paid $12.75 to see is going to start before you expire.
But the absolute worst marketing intrusion I have ever encountered has got to be inside toilet cubicles with those strategically placed ad screens on the inner door. Please, to all the advertisers out there foaming at the mouth for my consumer dollars, you have me every other minute of the waking day. Can you please just let me take a pee in peace?!
Remember the good old days when you went to see a movie and the only "pre-show" was a few short trailers of coming attractions? Those halcyon days are gone, my friends, and we are now full captives to the corporate advertisers. No wonder people stay home and watch TV or rent DVDs. At least you can mute or skip over the commercials. In the theatre you can only sit tight and wonder if the actual movie you paid $12.75 to see is going to start before you expire.
But the absolute worst marketing intrusion I have ever encountered has got to be inside toilet cubicles with those strategically placed ad screens on the inner door. Please, to all the advertisers out there foaming at the mouth for my consumer dollars, you have me every other minute of the waking day. Can you please just let me take a pee in peace?!
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